I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
