New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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