I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
