Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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