My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
