cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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