put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
