ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
