I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
