I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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