Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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