Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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