just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
