It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
