you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
