That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
