Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize