I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
