I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
