I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You made out with two different species that night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
