FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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