I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
