guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
