The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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