Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
