I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
