What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
