someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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