I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
