she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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