so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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