he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
