where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
