He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
