I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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