I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
