you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
