drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
