Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
