Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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