Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
no you cant smoke seaweed
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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