Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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