who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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