I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
