Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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