someone owes me an orgasm
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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