Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My cat gives me a boner
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
