Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
