Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
