I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I deserve this hangover.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize