you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We talked him into tasing himself.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
