Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
