I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
