I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
