Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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