The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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