she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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