when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
