Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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