mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
