I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
