i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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