when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
