Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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