I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
