Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize