i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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