Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
